Hair, or a Fifth Wave review

I have recently watched the Fifth Wave, a 2016 film by J.Blakeson and needed to understand better how I feel about it. So put on your seatbelts folk, you’re on for a lot of criticism.

Although the movie is well-directed and pretty entertaining, it follows the same patterns of all dystopias/sci-fi alien invasion blockbuster. Poor human beings, defined by some great civilized trait such as hope or love, are being graced with ufo presence and soon start to be killed and disrespected. Their surprise always makes me think they have never heard of colonisation. *coughing*

But if one is honest, there are some excellent ideas and layers to the movie. The younger audience will probably not notice the war references, and the fact that humans only tend to  kill one another if they no longer see their reflection in the person they are about to murder.

Another nice touch consists on the classic but nonetheless extremely true line of « oh, but you have been wiping out other species for centuries, so we aliens are no different from you ». Because let’s be honest, any thing considered as an inferior life-form to us basically lives to see the day it will no longer be. And if we’re being real, those natural disasters presented as alien waves of destruction appear to be yet another metaphor of our great climate change (so sad no one notices ain’t no human who needs extraterrestrials to fuck up Earth).

So, why the lukewarm review ? Two major flaws have been found out by no other than myself, and one of them gave this post its name.

First, the total absence of credibility. And by credibility, I mean the little details, the unpolished things. Please refer to the spoiler section to get further analysis (sorry, I meant annoyed rhetorical questions), but to begin with we can talk about the fact that Cassie – the main character – has a perfect leg shave after weeks in the woods. As would Gillette say, « take some time to feel beautiful ladies, the end of the world is not a good enough reason to let down the patriarchy ». Can we someday acknowledge the fact that women have hair on their entire body ? And before everyone calls out to me as being a radical feminist (which I am, thank you very much), I don’t care what people do with their bodies, whether they shave or not. I have more important issues than how people’s legs look like. And I just think Cassie did too. Especially considering the fact she had goals such as staying alive in mind.

But don’t worry you guys; fortunately this movie also remembered to make you feel bad. Obviously, girls can only be attracted by six-packed males. With green eyes. Right. Don’t feel pressured.

More importantly, the scenario is beyond predictable. I had never laid eyes on the book, but I already knew how it was going to end up. About half-way through. Which is to be expected when the « parasites » look so obvious. Anyway.

Overall, this cinematic achievement can be recommended. It is definitely not groundbreaking, but a nice Saturday-metaphorical-but-in-an-easy-way-movie.

Wishing you the best popcorn time and hoping you enjoyed this review,

See you later alligators. ~




Spoiler section

Lack of credibility : from the Army’s attitude (no sane US military would enlist 10 year-olds, or am I dreaming ?), their recovered means (no one ever explains to the kids how they got the electricity back), their « revealing glasses » to spot aliens which look like the biggest fake news of the century, to the incredibly sudden new identity of Cassie’s newest love interest (I mean, did she ever reflect on how he had carried her through 20 miles by himself ?), everything seems implausible. And by everything, I really mean each and every detail. I had to stop myself from writing down the whole movie script, literally. I like to think that some humans still have brains. Apparently not, according to everyone’s blindness in the scenario.

Lack of unpredictability : again, those go hand in hand; things are predictable because the characters are utterly deprived form logical thinking. And if you’re not, you end up guessing right your hypothesis. Also, the love interests were spot from 30 miles away. Hormones, I think. Those teenagers can’t see someone from the other gender without falling in love. And for those of you who are still hopeful, nope, there was no representation of LGBTQ+ people. Can’t say I’m surprised unfortunately.



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